The answer

"I want to get inside your head," I said, "and I can't. It's driving me crazy."
"But why do you want to get inside my head? What do you think that will solve?"
"It's just that I want to really feel close to someone, united with somenone, whole for once. I want to really love someone."
"What makes you think love solves anything?"
"Maybe it doesn't solve anything, " I said, "but I want it. I want to feel whole."
"But you felt you were part of Brian and that didn't work either."
"Brian was crazy."
"Everyone's a little crazy when you get inside their head," Adrian said. "It's only a matter of degree."
"I guess..."
"Look - why don't you stop looking for love and try to live your own life?"
"Because what sort of a life do I have if I don't have love?"
"You have your work, your writing, your teaching, your friends..."
Drab, drab, drab, I thought.
"All my writing is an attempt to get love, anyway. I know it's crazy. I know it's doomed to disappointment. But there it is: I want everyone to love me."
"You lose," Adrian said.
"I know, but knowing doesn't change anything. Why doesn't my knowing ever change anything?"
Adrian didn't answer. I suppose I wasn't asking him anyway, but just throwing out the question to the blue twilit mountains (we were driving through the Goddard Pass with the top of the Triumph down).
"In the mornings," Adrian said, "I never can remember your name."
So that was my answer. It went through me like a knife. And there I was lying awake every night next to him trembling and saying my own name over and over to myself to try to remember who I was.

Ur Fear of flying av Erica Jong